I dreamed the night before I took my Reiki ART class that I was in a clearing standing before a path of hot coals and that I stepped barefoot on them and walked slowly along the path.  I expected to feel agony as my feet burned, but I felt only a slight warmth and no sensation of stepping on rocks or anything at all really.  The night sky around me was partially obscured by the smoke from the coals, but I felt no burning and kept walking until I completed the path and turned to look where I had walked.  My feet showed no signs of burns or even soot, and the dream ended with me thinking how interesting it was to walk on coals and have no sensation of burning or marks at all.

During my attunement I found myself standing in front of the path of hot, glowing coals again, but this time instead of darkness around me and the stars twinkling between wisps of smoke I saw a perfectly clear star-studded night sky around me.  As I began to step forward onto the coals the stars disappeared and a rosy pink mist formed everywhere except directly in front of me.  It was as if the dark mouth of a cave had formed in front of me and been surrounded by the rosy pink glowing light, and I felt a sense of peace and relaxation as I walked into the darkness.

I walked onto the coals but felt no heat, and I found myself enveloped in the mist instead of in the cool darkness.  My fears from the night before vanished and in their place I felt warmth and a feeling of absolute love and complete contentment, and I felt the presence around me of familiar souls.   I sighed and walked across the rest of the coals to find myself sitting in the room in my Reiki class again.  I can still feel that rosy glow even now when I close my eyes and relax, and I believe that is a lovely gift.

I have been an eagle soaring over a mountain, and I have been a mite in a sand pile on a huge beach on a blue planet in a huge universe surrounded by other vast universes.  I have been a huge sun burning over billions of years and a young mother on the blue planet with little ones who knew nothing about my talents or hidden desires, and I have been the mote in the eye of the sand mite.  I have crossed the desert with my humps full of water from the oasis and been the snowy mountain far beneath the majestic eagle, and I have been too many other creations over too many lifetimes to list here in this one.

I find so many differences as I travel through these lifetimes and among the creatures I find along the way, but I find more commonalities by far.  The rocks feel just as the stand-up creatures do, although in different ways, and the stars are shining with the same energy that flows through the mote in the eye of the sand mite.  None is more important than the other and each is a part of the whole, and no life or time of existence will ever be forgotten whether it shapes the future of a solar system or the present of a speck of space.

I see the creatures flailing about searching for meaning and I wish that I could tell them that they need not search further.  They ask why and who, where and when, but they do not see the answer before them.  May I tell the star that it need not shine the brightest or the flea that it need not suck the most from its host to matter or be infinitely essential?  No, for neither would listen to something so simple, and even  if they could they would both snicker at my lack of understanding of the ways of the universe.

I say to you that I loved no less deeply as a mote that I did as a stand-up creature or a star, and I will live no less of a life as a tiny crystal in a mountain than I will as  a swirling tornado or a slithering worm-creature on a distant planet covered in poisonous gases.  Appreciate the sameness and celebrate the differences as you go and do not waste time searching.  The answer to your riddle is within your fellow rock or stand-up creature and yourself, so treat each creation as the unique and cherished puzzle piece it is.  You are all not only the question, but you are all the answer as well.  If you are to solve the puzzle you will need the closes, so cherish each creation you meet in all of your existence.  Learn from the mote and the star and everything you come across in between, for as long as you exist you add to the glory of all others.  Love as deeply as the eagle and live as fiercely as the lion, shine as brightly as a galaxy and swim to the bottom of the frozen sea, but no matter where you land remember that you are creation and therefore infinitely precious.  The rock you step on and the air you breathe are creation as well along with the stand-up creatures and the passions that burn within them, and that is the answer to your question.  All of creation is essential and you are all creation, so nothing need be anything but what it is meant to be to be.  You are the answer and you shape the universe as surely as any other part of creation.  Remember.

During my yoga meditation the other day I took a delightful journey that I would like to share with you.  The instructor began to describe  surfing and feeling waves beneath us, but I found myself immediately in a hot, flowing stream of molten lava.  I wasn’t uncomfortable or frightened, but instead part of a massive flow coming up from the depths of a dribbling volcano.  I was one small piece of rock being moved along in this beautiful, unstoppable flow that was changing the landscape as it moved down the hill, and I was content to flow along with all the other tiny rocks caught in the fluid rock mass.

Soon I felt cooler air and could somehow see brilliant sunshine,  and I felt the giddy sensation of riding a roller coaster over the crest of the big curve as we started flowing down the side of the volcano.  My fellow rocks and I carved out a path of cooling rock all the way unto a beach, and as we neared the high tide rushing up onto the beach I wondered what my fate would be when we reached the water.  Would I cool and become a part of the rocky beach, or would I become part of the ocean or air?  I pondered this briefly, but my thoughts were cut short by a wave breaking over me.

I felt the chill of the cold water splash me, heard hissing in my ears as a cloud of steam rose around me, and found myself lifted up with the wave.  I was cold after the heat of the lava flow, but it was refreshing and rather exhilarating to be lifted up and hurled back toward the ocean.  I realized I was one speck of that huge volcano travelling upward to become part of the breath of tides that rose and fell from the depths just as my chest usually rose and fell with each breath of air I take.  I hit the water then, skipped a few times, and was overtaken by a surge from below. 

As I churned deeper into the ocean I swirled and became part of a bubble of air rising to splutter at the surfacea and  felt the roller coaster sensation again.  I was tossed up into another wave, spat out of the cool water, and found myself floating high above the surf.  I realized I was drifting upward on the air currents to become part of a dark, heavy cloud, and soon I was being tossed back earthward onto the very volcano I started my journey in.  Since it was still rumbling with lava dribbling down the slope I landed with a hiss of steam to become part of the same flow I began in, and soon I was warm and secure in the flow again.  Just then the instructor called us back to class, and I felt very relaxed and refreshed.  Who knew that even a tiny speck of rock could relax, go with the flow, and let nature take its course with such adventure and exhilaration?  The next time I feel overwhelmed and lost among the masses,  rushing along with schedules and deadlines, I know I can find myself flowing quietly down a mountainside on the way or swirling in a bubble on the crest of a wave.  What a great reminder to just go with the flow and let the universe unfold!

During yoga meditation this week she guided us to envision surf and tranquility as we breathed with the tide…in and out slowly.  I was happily visualizing lying on a warm beach feeling the sand and surf when I felt yanked away and found myself in a completely different place. 

I found myself  in the desert wearing some sort of camouflage and helmet, and then I realized I was carrying an assault rifle and some sort of pack on my back.  The wind was blowing sand into my eyes and every other part of me, even inside my clothes, and my mouth was full of grit.  I was running along with several men and realized I was male myself!  I felt confused and scared, my mouth was parched, and I had no clue where I was or why I had been yanked from my peaceful beach, but I didn’t have time to sort anything out before some of the men I was running with started yelling about an ambush.  I realized I was somewhere in the middle of a war with no idea of what to do, how to do it, or even a clue of what we were fighting about, so I kept my head down and ran with the rest of the soldiers.  How odd to think of myself as a soldier since I have done many things in my life, but have never had an inclination to be a soldier…a male soldier at that.

Just as I was coming out of the shock of finding myself in the middle of this terrifying situation I heard a blast and screaming, and I saw men lurching and falling in front of me.  I had the surreal experience of seeing a man fly over my head and land with a dull thud behind me, and I knew I would see pictures I could never get out of my mind if I turned around to see where he fell.  As I tried to duck, run, see if anyone needed help in front of me, and figure out what had actually happened I realized that I felt strangely numb.  I found myself slumping to the ground and realized I must have been hit by shrapnel from the explosion, although I felt no real pain.  I felt as if I were very slowly slumping to the ground,  noticed my backpack had slid off my back somehow and my gun was sliding from my numb fingers into the sand, and then I felt hard ground beneath my back.

I really couldn’t move anything but my head slightly, and I thought it must be the concussive air blast that had just knocked me down since there was still no pain.  I could feel thudding feet several feet away, but I couldn’t lift my head or call for help from the men whose voices I could still hear yelling as they organized the rescue for those injured in the blast.  I heard one man cursing as he found his friend injured beyond help, and I managed to turn my head a bit to my right to see if I could find any reason for my strange sensations.  I still felt numb and as if I might float away at any moment, and I didn’t feel connected to myself completely, but managed to look at my right hand that still loosely clutched my rifle at the end of my outflung arm.  I thought I should probably sit up and join the thudding footsteps that were moving off into the distance when I caught sight of something that made my heart skip a beat.

I could see spreading darkness in the sand coming from under my right arm, and the stain grew even in the few seconds I laid there watching in horror.  I was going to die in some desert with no help or knowledge of why I was even here, and I couldn’t move to stop my bleeding or call for help!  No wonder I felt so numb and disconnected, and now I recognized the sensations I had been feeling.   I had almost died from encephalitis many years ago, and now I felt myself floating up from the ground just as I had floated above the medical team working on me back then.  I looked back and saw my body sprawled at awkward angles in the sand as the wind blew swirls of dust over my face and the blood that had pooled around me, and I felt alone and abandoned as I realized the other men had completely disappeared from sight.  How could they all leave me here to be buried in blowing sand in a place I didn’t belong in a war I didn’t sign up to fight? As I looked down at the body I had just left I shook my head at the waste of life and the others who would grieve over that man and me too, and I turned away from the sight.  I felt lost and in shock, and I began to wander in my disconnected and surreal way among the destroyed vehicles looking for the way to escape the misery I was overwhelmed with when I heard the yoga instructor calling us to open our eyes and return to our waking consciousness.

I have never felt so relieved as I did in that moment, but my relief was tempered by the fresh feeling of being left alone to die in the desert with no reason or companionship.  I didn’t feel as though I had taken a journey or had a dream, but more as if I had been yanked to that soldier’s body only to feel him/me die, and I got no insight from the experience.  I was simply left with the feelings of misery and abandonment, along with guilt for leaving loved ones behind.  Logically I should shake those feelings off since this class was a few days ago, but I don’t think the sensation of watching my own life slipping from me and being helpless to move to stop it will leave me any time soon.  What a waste of life and a horrible way to die.

This week has been one of reflection and reverie, and I feel ready to move forward a bit now I believe.  I have spent the week watching the skies and listening to nature around me.  I saw a little blue heron fly over me one day and when I raised my arms to him he circled twice and flew off.   Since I’ve never seen one in this area except by the river it was really a nice experience, and I believe it was a message to me that we are all connected to this earth and all else at the same time.  That theme keeps popping up in my life, and I feel that the dreams and journeys are now merging into my waking life.  I also saw a flock of woodpeckers near my house and am going to meditate on the heron and the woodpeckers as soon as my busy life allows, and I will continue to raise my eyes to the skies every time I am outside.  This is a time for me to gather myself and be ready for the next journeys that await me, so I will be meditating on that  this weekend.

Tonight I was feeling the rush of the week and the lack of a peace meditation journey, so I took some time to meditate.  I had an amazing experience and have been reflecting on it since then.

I was immediately on the usual ledge looking up at a brilliant blue sky, and I felt a warmth and relaxation flow through me to the soles of my feet.  I heard myself laugh with joy and raised my arms to the sky to embrace everything I could feel,  hear, taste and touch.  I felt an exhilaration at the prospect of joining with my fellow travellers in this place, and I breathed in the warm wind to become one with the air and soil again.  I realized I never wanted to leave this place or any of the other places I have journeyed, and then I felt absolute joy when I realized I hadn’t ever really left any of those places or any others that had ever existed! 

I realized I hadn’t left and never would since we all are everywhere and the rest of the universes are inside us.  It seemed such a huge concept but so simple and reasonable at the same time, and I felt myself weeping at the thought of being part of such a vast variety of life and energies.  Then I realized the sky had darkened and the wind had begun to swirl the dust from the ledge into mini tornadoes around my now bare feet, so I began to search the sky for my vulture friend.  Strangely enough I didn’t feel afraid, but I felt I was to learn from him today and didn’t want to miss whatever wonders he chose to show me.  I squinted against the blowing sand and noticed lightning splitting into brilliant forks of fire off in the distance, and I could see the outline of the far-off cliffs against the darkened sky.  I knew I was on the ledge unprotected from the coming storm, but all I could think of was the wonders of knowing I was also in the cave and on the beach as well as with the gentle horse by the pond.  I wanted to share this realization with my vulture guide so badly that I had no intention of even crouching where I stood, much less running to hide behind a rock until the storm passed.  I called to him and asked him to come, and soon I felt his presence beside me even though I could hardly make out his silhouette in the swirling red sand. 

I reached out to him as I saw him blown toward the edge of the cliff, and as I touched his wingtip I felt him lose his grip on the rocky soil and slide over the edge in a tunnel of sand and howling wind!  I knew of course he could fly, but I got a flash of the poor birds I had seen who had met painful ends when they had been blown about in high winds.  As he disappeared over the edge I ran after him with his feathers still between my fingertips, and I let myself feel whatever was to come flow through me as I leapt outward to keep him from crashing against the rocks.   I expected to feel the rush of wind and pain from bashing against jutting rocks, but instead I felt the wind catch us and carry us upward. 

We were caught in a huge whirlwind that grew larger as we rose, and as we swirled in ever-larger circles I realized I could see much farther from the new vantage point I had.  I also noticed the lightning had stopped and the clouds about us had parted as the whirlwind became a gentle thermal.  My partner shook his wing gently to let me know it was time to release him, and as my fingers slid from his primary feathers I smiled at myself.  A few journeys ago I was too frightened to even stand up in a storm, and this time I had been so caught up in the experience I had almost forgotten I still clutched his wing as we soared about the red cliffs.  He let me know that this was the idea of living fully and motioned for me to enjoy the view stretched out below me so I peered down to see what I couldn’t from the ledge.

The first thing I noticed was that there was water snaking through the floor of the canyon in a green ribbon, and I was amazed that it had never occured to me there might be water below me.  It actually never occured to me to even consider that I wasn’t seeing the whole picture because I was too afraid to walk to the edge and look down, and then I realized not only could I see the water now, but I was part of the water, the cliffs, and the life that teamed here and everywhere else, and that I hadn’t known that until now because I hadn’t thought to question or open myself to feel that connection while seeing the bigger picture.  The view from the cliff had always been beautiful, but this view was totally amazing and complete, and I would never have seen it if I hadn’t learned that I was not only connected to everything but to everywhere and everywhen.  That meant that we are all here now, in the beginning, and wherever we will be when time passes, and therefore we can not only look back and see where we came from, stand here and truly experience now, but we will be present over time as well.  We may not look as we do now or feel the passions we do at this moment, but we were here before and will be here after.  That means that connection to all those who have been and will be gives us limitless experience to draw from and share with everyone else, and it also means that when we are open to each other we are able to feel the wisdom and experience of all the rest of the universe.  It also means that we can choose what we want to draw to ourselves and let flow through us, and that we can share what we have learned as we let energy flow through us, and as I pondered the panorama before me I knew I wouldn’t trade this view and what I had learned for the boundaries of my body or the supposed safety of disconnection. 

That realization startled me greatly since I had spent years in therapy separating myself from my parents,  finding healing and peace with myself, and carefully erecting boundaries around myself.  I had to smile at the irony of coming almost full circle literally and figuratively so high above the earth soaring with a very wise vulture, and I reached to him without touching him to share this experience.  He responded by dipping his wings and dropping slowly to land on one of the ledges below us, and as I felt the warmth of the sand beneath my feet again I noticed that we had returned to my usual ledge and folded myself to sit beside him.  He let me know that my view of this ledge would never be the same again since I had seen it from the sky and so far away that it was only one of many such ledges, and that since I had flown and felt the rush of wind beneath me and seen the glory of the whole picture I would never be content seeing only my own little snapshot again.  That struck me to the core and I agreed with him through misty eyes, and then he reached over with a raised foot and touched my hand gently with his sharp talons. 

I felt warmth and peace flow through me and I blinked with surprise at the wonderful sensations, and then I felt a weight on my wrist.  I looked down to see the bracelet with the stones he had shown me so many times shimmering in the sunlight, and when I looked back up at him with delight he turned his head to one side and looked at me as if he were looking into my soul.  I knew he was telling me my journey was now truly beginning since I could never forget the bottom of the ravine, and how it might be full of lifegiving beautiful water that I would never see if I didn’t step back and look at the whole picture from other points of view.  Now that I knew I really was part of the all and always would be along with the rest of the creatures that ever existed, I could begin to listen to them and learn from them.  The stones would help me on my journey and give me the tools I needed to see that whole picture, and they would remind me that I will never find answers unless I learn what the questions are and search for the answers with an open heart and mind.   I blinked again to clear my tears and was back in my bedroom with my bracelet in my hand.  The best part is that this journey is just beginning and I am ready to fly…

Tonight I will share a different sort of journey.  This journey started when I was born I suppose, but I won’t describe the whole path to this place I am today since that would take another 48 years to type.  The most important part of this particular journey started in 1999 when I answered a late-night instant message from a person in New Jersey, and every night since then I’ve realized how different my life would be if I had ignored that simple hello. 

We chatted and then talked on the telephone, then met in person, and really haven’t been apart since.  We married in 2001, and this man keeps me laughing from his totally unique perspective on life and yes, sometimes with exasperation.  On this Valentine’s Day I write of our journey and how it is the most wonderful journey I have ever undertaken.  We have twin girls who will be 5 this month, and not only is he the best father I could ever ask for to our girls, but he still manages to find time to chase me around the house and make me giggle until I think I might pass out when he manages to catch me.  Life is hectic and full of noise, stress, and work, but every single day I am thankful that I will end my day snuggled up with him to fall asleep.

You see, we had a long distance relationship for what seemed forever to us, so we still appreciate every night we sleep under the same roof and every day we are lucky enough to sit at the same table to discuss the craziness of our lives.  I know he is always on my side even if we are having a “serious discussion” about something, and I know that he loves us with all his heart and soul.  Yes, sometimes we argue for a few minutes over mostly silly things, but we are partners every second of every day and plan to stay that way.

So since we agreed not to get cards this year (we tend to get them and never get time to sign them, so we decided to say how we feel and show each other in other ways) I want to make sure my best friend and most awesome secret lover knows how much I appreciate all the dishes household chores he does without complaint, the time he spends with our children, the favors he does for me (like making popcorn for me when I know he’s all comfy in his armchair and refilling my cup of tea), the times he lets me sleep in the morning after a rough night, and the other amazing things he does that I won’t list here but appreciate with all my heart.

All I can say is my dear, I love you and wish you a wonderful Valentine’s Day, and I just hope that I have brought even a hundredth of the joy, love, and acceptance into your life that you have into mine.  I thank you for being you, and I am so proud of you and happy for myself that I am lucky enough to have snatched you up when I realized what a keeper you were.  Let’s keep this particular journey a joint one…I love you!

I had an interesting journey as I lay in bed drifting to sleep the other night that I want to remember, so I will share it. I walked from my front yard down my hill toward our street, but then found myself in a cool wooded area that I had never seen before. I felt I was high in altitude and kept walking, and soon I stepped out of the woods and realized I was standing on a mountainside looking out over a jungle. I could hear birds in the distance calling to each high in the treetops, and I could hear insects buzzing around me. I stood for a bit to listen and breathe in the humid air, and I felt as if I were back in time with some prehistoric creature lurking in the greenery nearby waiting to pounce on its prey.

I got the sensation of being watched and suddenly felt as if I were the prey, but all I saw were monkeys in the upper branches of the trees chattering at each other and some huge beetles crawling on the shrubbery directly ahead of me. I started walking up the mountain with the idea of finding a place to become inconspicuous and less edible, and I quickly found myself wet and miserable from all the vegetation slapping against me as I struggled through the undergrowth. I came to a clearing and hesitated before stepping back out into the open, and then realized I really wasn’t alone.

Sitting before me in the clearing calmly stripping the leaves off a branch and munching them thoughtfully was a huge male gorilla. I knew he was male because it was obvious in his strength and size that he was in his prime, and I caught my breath in admiration at his magnificence against the simple task he was performing and the peaceful expression on his face. I was afraid to move for a moment because I didn’t want to startle him into leaving, and I was very aware of his massive strength despite the peaceful way he was mouthing the greenery. I had no feeling he would want to hurt me, but I really wasn’t sure what to do and stood watching him munch for awhile. Then a tremendous feeling of sadness came over me and to my horror I burst into tears.

Here I was standing in front of one of the most amazing creatures on the planet, and what did I do? I started sobbing! I couldn’t seem to get a grip on my feelings, and as he looked my direction he stopped chewing and seemed to consider whether the strange creature making those odd noises was a threat or not. I felt overwhelmed with sorrow that man had hurt and killed so many of his kind and that neither he nor any of the other inhabitants of this place had ever had reason to trust any man, but instead knew us as hurtful and cruel. I stood and sobbed and tried to get myself together enough to think straight and possibly leave quickly if he decided I was a threat, but he just sat and seemed to consider me with his head tilted to one side.

I realized I wanted to touch him and let him know we weren’t all so ignorant and vicious, and I calmed down a bit just thinking of how priviliged I was just being this close and seeing him so relaxed and calm instead of caged or dead as so many of his brothers were. I felt a wave of shame for my humanity and started to back away, but as I turned to wend my way back through the wet undergrowth I looked at him for the last time so I could remember his expression. I knew I most likely wouldn’t ever have a chance to see him again, but I would hope he was safe here at least.

To my utter joy he had sat up and was reaching his arms out toward me as if to welcome me to him, and to my astonishment I felt myself flinging my body across the clearing and burying myself against his massive chest. He wrapped his arms around me as if I were his child and held me, gently rocking back and forth as if to comfort me. How could that be when my kind had done so much damage to his kind and his home??? I could smell the rain and and plants clinging to his fur and feel his hairy hand around my head, stroking my hair as I sobbed again from the rush of a torrent of emotions. I felt relieved and comforted, but sad that he should be the one comforting me, and I was terrified that one day he would be hurt and I would feel his pain as I did the others. He held me that way for awhile and then set me away from him so we were near each other and could see into each other’s eyes.

I saw such intelligence and compassion in his eyes that I couldn’t breathe for a moment, and then I felt that total connection again that always leaves me refreshed and overwhelmed at the same time. He let me know that this wasn’t how it would always be, and that it was time to see things as they really are and always have been. I got a flash of the vulture on the ledge and the stones he kept handing me, and the memory of his oustretched wing made me realize this was another step on my journey. When I wondered what he was supposed to teach me he repeated that I can choose to see things as they are or the simpler and safer way. I felt that sensation again of a choice he was offereing me and how it is one that is permanent, and I shook my head in confusion. I blinked and looked up at him to ask what I was choosing, but he was gone and I was sitting alone in the clearing holding the branch he had been stripping leaves from. I felt bereft and cold, and the last thing I remember was sighing and feeling that I was still missing something I am supposed to do. I slowly picked my way through the bushes and back to where I started, but this time I felt alone and couldn’t hear the monkeys and the birds calling to each other. I felt very sad and drifted off to sleep disappointed in myself again.

Saturday morning I ran a race. Now I have run a few before and really enjoy them, and although I’m not fast at all I like finishing and usually end up with third place for my age group. Getting a medal isn’t what this post is about though, and I had a totally different experience than I have had from the other races I have run.

This time I spent about 15 minutes before the race jogging slowly around, which was nice to warm up physically, but I used the time to prepare mentally as well. I focused on the run being for exercise and how I was going enjoy it and relax instead of tensing up and thinking about everyone passing me. About 5 minutes before it started I got several feet back from the start line and instead of absorbing all the tension from everyone around me I stood still for a few moments and let positive energy flow through me. I really didn’t hear all the noise around me while I breathed and pictured myself on a leisurely run with all the positive energy from the universe flowing through and around me. It was really relaxing and the opposite of the adrenaline rush that threw me off the last race I ran.

The last time when the start sounded I felt a rush and my asthma started bothering me right away. I started coughing and coughed the whole way, and it really slowed me down for a whole mile and a half (out of 5k). This time I just took off slowly and let the rabbits pass me, and I just relaxed and kept up a comfortable pace. Now as I said, I am not fast by any means, but since I have had asthma and bronchitis problems and hardly been able to run for about 3 months, this was pretty amazing since I passed the mile marker at 10:34 instead of the slow 15:00 I have been running since I got sick. I went from 2 miles in my slow 30 minutes lately to 2 miles in 22:59, and although that isn’t fast by running standards it was a huge difference in my personal stats for this winter.

I think this is so amazing because I really didn’t run harder or feel as if I was going faster until the end when I sprinted to beat 23:00, but I felt this relaxation and that energy flowing through me the whole race. I know I ran hard for me because I was really tired after I stopped, but I didn’t feel it the way I usually would along the way. What a difference feeling that energy makes, and it was like floating mentally although compared to having to tell myself to keep going. It was as if I could see and feel the finish the whole way and feel it getting closer instead of slogging on, and since I really race against myself that means a lot to me. Now on to work out with this attitude and see where it takes me:)

Last night as I drifted off to sleep I journeyed a bit and I am really glad I did. I found myself on the plateau I have visited before, but this time there were scattered clouds casting shadows over the red rocks below me.

As I watched the shadows climbing and dipping across the canyon walls I noticed it was becoming chilly and darker, and when I looked up I saw clouds gathering as if for a storm. The wind picked up and I felt a bit apprehensive when I realized I was standing alone on the edge of a high cliff with a storm coming. I looked around for a cave or overhang, but none was in sight, and I scanned the sky for my guide the vulture. It occured to me this might be a lesson for me, but I felt confused as to what it might be or what action I should take.

I finally saw the vulture circling up high and raised my arms to him as I had before. He caught the wind and landed roughly beside me, and he folded him wings and turned away from the blowing sand. I sat beside him and folded my arms around my shoulders for warmth, and it seemed as if he was hunkering down against the storm as I was. As the wind blew harder and the sky grew darker I got a strong urge to hide away from the exposed ledge were were on, so I tried to get the vulture’s attention. I didn’t want to leave him there and didn’t really know where to go to be safe, but it was obvious the storm was going to be severe and I was concerned about lightning hitting us. I saw a distance flash and felt totally exposed and vulnerable.

I stood quickly and reached toward the vulture to get his attention, but he was already moving toward me. He stretched out his wing to me and looked toward the sky, and I realized he meant for me to fly with him. I was honestly terrified and started backing away from him, and I’m sure I was screaming, “Oh no you don’t! No way I’m going up into that storm with you!!” loudly enough in my head for him to hear even over the wind.

I stumbled and caught myself against a rock, and I was astounded to find that as I made contact with the rock and my intention to run for cover was firm in my mind the winds calmed and the sun blazed on the rocks at my feet. I stood up and spun around to find a brilliant sun above me in a deep blue cloudless sky, and the red rocks still and hot as when I first found myself on the ledge. I looked down to question the vulture, but he was nowhere to be seen. I felt a shaft of disappointment when I realized I was alone and everything was as if nothing had happened, and then realized my disappointment was with myself.

I must have drifted off then since that was the end of my journey, and I feel I failed some kind of test or missed a lesson I was given. I have been thinking about what might have been all day, and I hope the next time I meet him I will realize what the lesson was and learn it well. I have an idea that I was supposed to take his wing and trust him to keep me safe, but I am just not sure at this point why my trusting him or flying into a storm was so important. Perhaps tonight…?