Last night I received a Reiki attunement and had a wonderful journey. I received this same attunement last month and happily floated up over icy mountains, but  this time it was completely different.

I found myself back on the side of a dark road with my father reliving an experience that happened when I was about 4 or 5 from a different perspective than I did originally.  We traveled when I was young in a big blue Rambler station wagon, and that night we had seen strange lights in the sky.  My dad and I got out of the car, stood by the road in the dark, and watched strange brightly colored circles darting above us, only to shoot off into the night sky and disappear.  I looked up at my dad and asked what they were and he said he didn’t know, but that I should ever talk about them.  Since I had always seen little darting lights high in the sky and even dreamed about them since I could remember I asked him about those too.  I asked him why no one else ever talked about them either and why people didn’t seem to notice them, and he got this look on his face as waves of fear came off of him toward me.  He said again that I should never talk to anyone about the feelings I got about things and from people, seeing those, or what we saw that night in the sky, and since he had never spoken about it again I thought his fear was that I was crazy, wrong, bad, or a combination of them all.

From that point onward I had turned to science and facts that were provable, but I didn’t realized how much that experience had affected me.  It took my most of my life to be able to say who I am and trust my feelings and intuition, and I never had realized why I needed to speak about things I could back up with evidence.  If I could find scientific evidence and not go by what I had just “experienced” or “felt”, then no one would think I was crazy or silly.  I would like to have gotten to where I am now years ago, but apparently it wasn’t the right time yet.

This time on my journey I could feel the fear that came from my father wasn’t because he thought I was making it up or crazy, but that he knew what I was seeing was real and knew it wasn’t safe or wise for me to talk about it to anyone.  He had worked with NASA on the Saturn project and knew things that he wouldn’t talk about, and I realized this time as I stood with him in the dark that he was afraid for me, not embarrassed or afraid I was hallucinating.  Back then people really didn’t talk about things like energy work, paranormal events, extraterrestrial beings, or anything out of the norm of the time without being ostracized in one way or another, and in a very healing moment I realized he wasn’t afraid because he didn’t believe me, but because he did.  I felt a weight lift from me, tears of relief flowed down my cheeks, and I realized that I could now be who I was meant to be all along.

I looked up to the stars and felt myself moving along the road and picking up speed, and then I was among the stars!  I saw galaxies spinning, stars forming and exploding, and dark areas where huge masses of matter were suddenly winking out of view as if they had never existed.  Then I noticed a beautiful light bouncing from star to star, galaxy to galaxy, and bursting into sprays of fireworks as it ricocheted  enthusiastically from one body to another.   Pure joy radiated from the ball of light as it grew closer to me and began to spin in swirls of indigo, silver, and white, and suddenly I felt it enter me and knock me backward to spin with it!

I felt the light tumbling me over and over until I found myself in a place I had journeyed to before, but this time the light was still with me.  I looked down at my hands, still folded in the prayer position for the attunement, and I saw the light in a ball between my palms.  I cupped it and it swirled gently with an indigo edge that faded to silver and white in the center.  I leaned closer until my face was a few inches awayand felt totally peaceful and content until I felt a presence next to me.  I looked up to find my Reiki guide, an Inuit who was all white furs except for his dark face standing near me.  When I looked past him I saw the white wolf and polar bear I had visited here before, and again they welcomed me silently.  My guide motioned as if he were drinking from cupped hands, and when I felt confused he motioned that I should drink from the light cupped in my hands.  I wasn’t sure why I was to do that, but since I willingly accepted the light I was happy to drink from whatever it had to offer me.  I leaned toward my hands and scooped the beautiful ball to my mouth and drank deeply of the warm glow, and as I did I felt that connection to all else that I had felt before. This time I drank deeply and laughed as the warmth enveloped me and felt as if I wanted to stay in that moment forever.

When I looked up in amazement at the joy and peace I felt inside I found my guide and his companions gone, but in their place was the familiar white horse with blue eyes that had shared wisdom with me before.  I smiled and reached to wrap my arms around him, and as I laid my face against his cool cheek I noticed the snow and darkness were fading.  He motioned me to mount him, and this time I knew that something was different about the journey we were about to embark on together.  I had come so close to this point before but never made the leap of faith and confidence in myself that I had this time, and as I leaped onto his back and leaned into his mane I whispered to him to take me wherever I was meant to go.  The snow faded and I was back in the room with my hands still folded, and I still feel the glow of the energy.  I have so much to learn, and I am so very ready to begin.

Last night I found myself walking down a pretty path surrounded by low, bright, neatly trimmed plants that were bursting with color.  I felt relaxed enough to hum as I walked along sniffing the fragrances that drifted on the breeze, and the temperature was perfect.  The sun shone just warmly enough to keep the bees happily buzzing from blossom to blossom, so I picked up the pace a bit until I was whistling and striding jauntily down the path with no particular destination in mind. 

I noticed a fragrance then that put a damper on my cheer with some unpleasant memories, so I slowed down to a stroll and sighed.  The sky didn’t seem quite so blue, and I really didn’t care whether the rest of the flowers smelled good any more, so I put my head down and become lost in thought.  I didn’t really notice that I had company until I heard a soft snuffle, felt a warm grassy breeze on my face, and  looked up into familiar blue eyes.

My beautiful white horse friend began to nuzzle my arm, and I giggled as he tickled my side with his soft muzzle.  He blinked those amazing eyes at me with the silliest expression a horse can manage and motioned for me to look at his back.  I saw a red ribbon tied to the end of his mane and a whole bouquet of bright-colored ballons waving about in the breeze above him.  The balloons were as bright as the flowers around us, and he reached back and grabbed the ribbon in his mouth.  He knelt on his front foreleg and lowered them to eye level, and as I admired all the pretty colors I saw movement inside them!  I leaned in a bit closer and saw scenes from my childhood that were hard for me to look at even after all the time that had passed, and I backed off and stood up with a sharp sigh of annoyance.

I looked back at my friend and let my feelings be known, and just as I started to walk away I felt a sharp pain in my foot.  I jumped, said a colorful word, and bent down to remove a sharp splinter of thorn from my arch.  When I stood I found myself face to face with the balloons and grisly images again, and without a thought jabbed the thorn into each balloon in turn.  Each burst with a resounding “POP!!”,  and I realized I felt powerful and light again as I looked at each nasty event and promptly popped it into oblivion!  I was actually enjoying myself and felt a bit disappointed when I was down to one green balloon, so I peered more closely to savor the experience.  I laughed when I realized the last remaining balloon was filled with me plodding along after I smelled the gardenia flower that had sent me to my past, aimed my thorn and popped it out of existence.

The blue eyes met mine again, and he seemed to be laughing with me for a moment.  Then he became serious and started pawing the ground the way you see horses do to count in the old comedies.  I rolled my eyes at his silliness  and looked down to see what he was writing with his hoof  in the loose dirt.   It simply said,  “The pop wasn’t as loud as you expected, was it?”

I had to laugh since he somehow knew I hate the sound of balloons popping.  I would keep one to lose air and eventually collapse, all the while sitting in a corner annoying me, instead of popping it.  He was really right though, since I didn’t mind the pop at all when I was focused on getting rid of the images once and for all.  I was enjoying the sight of them dissipating and my feeling of power too much to mind the pop, and I actually enjoyed it.  I smiled at him, rubbed his soft gray muzzle, and we took off down the path together to enjoy the beautiful day.

What he was trying to tell me was simple to say but harder to do.  The past isn’t put to rest until our need to live in the  present and make our own future is  stronger than our need to live  in that past.  When the time is right we can send those old memories where they belong…up in a puff of air.  Next time I smell a gardenia perhaps I will just smell a gardenia:)

Recently in yoga meditation I found myself standing barefoot in a meadow of ankle-high grass wearing a soft long gown.  The grass was the fresh light green that only new grass can be, and I could feel it tickle my ankles as a light breeze ruffled across the meadow.  The slightly mounded area I was standing on gave me a view in all directions, and I could see tall trees in the distance that seemed to surround the meadow with rows of sentries standing silent watch.

I stood and breathed in fresh air and sunshine, and I closed my eyes to better hear any birds or other inhabitants of this lovely place.  I stood and listened and reached out for anyone or anything who might happen to be nearby.  Before long I did feel many presences around me, so I opened my eyes and was suprised to see the first humans I had ever encountered in my meditations.

I found myself surrounded by men and women who were of various appearances and ages.  They all felt familiar to me even though I didn’t remember seeing them before, and the very air around me hummed with widsom and gentleness.  I stood unable to gather my wits enough to think of anything to say to express my admiration and gratitude to these peaceful souls for even letting me exist in their presence, but since I realized nothing I could say would be helpful in the moment, I simply stood silently in awe.  All my meditations andjourneys had been with the other creatures who share the planet with me, and I had learned much from them, but now it was time to learn from those who had lived as humans and were willing to share their wisdom.

A tall muscled Native American man who exuded  confidence and strength stepped forward and laid a firm warm hand on my shoulder, and soon several others came to stand around me with hands laid gently on my back, shoulders, and arms.  I had never felt so much positive energy course through me, and I sighed and closed my eyes with pleasure as warmth and peace flowed from where they touched down my legs and into the earth beneath my feet.  When I had totally relaxed almost to the point of sliding limply to the ground they stepped back and seemed to be listening to something I couldn’t hear.  It was as if they were communicating with each other silently, but I could feel a hum in the air that reminded me of meditation chants when the sum of all voices is greater than each separately and truly beautiful.

Then I heard a voice gently commanding me to be still and listen, so I opened myself to everything around me with my eyes closed again.   Instantly I was connected to all the gentle souls in the group as well as every other creature in the meadow, and this time another presence as well.  I listened and let the energy flow through me, and I felt so much knowledge and wisdom rush through all my cells that I wanted to beg them to slow down so I could absorb it all.  I still couldn’t place what the new presence was although it seemed familiar to me in some ways, so I gathered the courage to ask and opened myself to the new sensation.

I received an answer that came from everywhere at once, and as I shook my head to clear it enough to understand what I was hearing I felt them step back a step and grow silent.  My eyes flew open with the fear that they might withdraw in frustration from my lack of comprehension, but I smiled as I saw them standing patiently in a group around me.  The Native American who appeared to be the leader spoke in a clear voice that echoed as if it bounced from cliffs that didn’t surround us, and he spoke simply and gestured to the earth I stood on.

He said that the presence I felt was the earth below my feet, and that most humans don’t listen to the messages she gives them and aren’t truly connected to her until death.  He said that we begin our lives connected to our origins and our mother who nurtures us, but along the way we learn to mistreat and disrespect her and then are even taught that she is not living, but instead a vessel for us to use as we please.  We begin to believe over time that we own her and have the right to destroy her in the names of progress and wealth, and we become arrogant and selfish instead of loving her and treating her with the kindness she shows us.  When we die we join with her again, but by then it is too late to change our path and undo the damage we have done, and then when we start a new cycle with another birth we are taught to forget again.  Meanwhile our loving mother cries with pain from the damage we’ve done, but she continues to nourish us as mothers do because we are her children.

I noticed a movement from the group behind him and felt overwhelming sadness, and as I scanned the group I saw tears of misery and grief coursing down their cheeks.  I wanted to run to them and comfort away their pain, but I felt totally inadequate and ashamed for my own part in this cruel cycle of devastation and destruction as I got flashes of mined naked hillsides whose very flesh had been ripped away, barren deserts where lush vegetation had been gifted to us from our mother and burned with no regard for its role in keeping her alive and healthy, and stinking piles of waste that cover her beautiful face.

I sobbed with my own grief as I realized I couldn’t comfort them or change the past, and then I felt that warm strength of the leader’s touch on my shoulder again.  He told me that tears weren’t the answer and becoming lost in guilt for all man’s transgressions was useless, and he opened his arms and spread them in a gesture toward the earth that felt so fresh and cool between my toes.  He let me know that I should lie on the earth and spread my arms upon it, and that I should let myself feel the vibrations of life that emanate from our mother if we take the time and opportunity to listen and feel her loving energy.  He told me that I had the same choices all humans do, and that I could lie against her and feel her breath and love her in return, or I could do as most do and only feel her welcoming arms in death.

If I chose the latter I would miss so much and lose the opportunity to share her wonder with my children, and  I felt deep sadness at the thought of continuing this cycle of abuse.  I laid down in the grass and felt my cheek against the fresh dirt, and I spread my arms to hug this amazing creation beneath me.  I gently held fistfuls of dirt and brought them to my face to breathe in the scent of life, and after I had laid in silence for awhile listening to a voice I had never taken the time to really hear before and feeling awe at the love she shows us, I rolled onto my back and realized I was alone in the meadow.

I laid against the damp cool earth with grass tickling my sides and feet for a long time, and I watched clouds racing across the blue sky above me as I considered how this day would change my life.  I know that I won’t be a perfect daughter to the earth who brought me life, but I also know that I will never forget her voice and will recognize it in the breeze, and that I will feel her warm caress as I touch the dirt in my garden. 

I know one more thing that brings me peace as well, and that is the knowledge that I will share with my children  this deep feeling of respect and caring for our planet that I have taken away from this experience.  Perhaps they will be the ones to show her the love she has shown so many generations of humans, and hopefully they will teach their children to love her as well.  Perhaps this is the one gift we can all give back to her, and maybe even save ourselves in the process as gifts that come from our hearts often do.

During yoga meditation this morning I found myself in a dark, damp cave.  I could dimly see roots sticking out of earthen walls by a light that seemed to filter through from another area, so I picked my way along the  dirt floor that was littered with loose rocks and covered in places with slippery mosslike plants.  Although the air was slightly musty, I could smell fresh air coming from somewhere, so I headed toward the light source to see if there was a way out of the cave or not.  I noticed I was barefoot and could feel the damp earth beneath my feet, and I wrinkled my nose in distaste at the sensation of slimy wet rocks squishing moisture between my toes with each step. 

I soon found my way to a larger cavern and realized I was in the same area where I had held the mother bat and her baby awhile back, but this time I saw no creatures hanging around me in the semi-darkness.  I was surprised when I felt a bit disappointed, since I had been concerned the first time that I would disturb them and find myself in a flurry of furry-winged creatures I couldn’t see well.  I had to smile at how much my  perceptions had changed over the course of a few weeks, and I decided it was time to find my way out through the small hole in the roof above me. 

I squinted against the glare of light that burst through the opening in a single shaft of sunlight and nearly blinded me after walking in the near-darkness of the smaller room, and I considered that I had no way to climb out since the opening was over the center of the cave away from any walls I might be able to get toeholds in to get purchase on the way up.  I looked around and thought hard, and I still could think of no way to get out.  I knew the day was warm and clear above me and I was determined to feel the sunshine on my face, so I sat back on a rock and tried to ignore the dampness that soaked my pants immediately.  I imagined the warm breeze and the feel of soft grass between my toes, and I weighed my limited options.  Jumping would be of no use since the hole was at least 20 feet up, I had no ladder or way to climb the walls, and I somehow knew no one would hear my calls for help.  I couldn’t fly obviously, so…hmm….and I found myself laughing out loud at the option I had almost overlooked.

I remembered my flight with my vulture friend a few days ago, and I realized I had been thinking inside the box again.  I had been thinking of myself as having limited physical abilities and few options, but the reality was since everything is connected and we can all be everywhere if we choose, I had another option I hadn’t considered.

I simply relaxed and felt myself standing in brilliant sunshine in my sneakers and dry clothes, and I looked around to find a small hole in the thick grass that could be a cave opening.  After I searched a bit I found a small opening that I would have missed if I hadn’t been looking for it, and I leaned down to peer inside.  I saw myself sitting on the slimy rock with eyes shut thinking, and I realized with a snort that this was the way life is every day of our physical lives.  I reached in, snapped my fingers at my sitting self, promptly jumped as I saw my above-ground self reach in to grab my arm and pull me out, argued that I would never fit through that hole and couldn’t reach me anyway, told myself that it would all work out and to grab on, and found myself sucked up into the sunlight my my own strong grip on my arm.

Well, perhaps I should have reacted with a bit more composure, but I sank to the grass laughing at myself…myselves… and the irony of the situation.  I laughed until I had to stop to catch my breath and shook my head considering that I had just done what we all have to do every day.  We are ultimately the ones who have to find our little caves where we are stuck in the dark and reach in, tell ourselves it is time to grab on, and pull ourselves out into the sunshine.  No matter how wonderful our therapists, families, or friends are, it is ultimately up to us to think outside the box of “can’t” or “impossible” and hoist our own selves up, and if no one extends the arm we have to extend our own and reach for ourselves. Who knew it worked literally as well as figuratively? :)

Last night during yoga meditation I found myself standing on the familiar red cliff with my vulture friend, and we shared  a simple yet profound experience.  We  spread our wings and slowly rose to find a  thermal breeze in the brilliant blue sky, and we circled lazily on the warmth of the rising winds as we watched the creatures below us going about their daily routines.  We were part of the beauty of the rocks and vibrancy of all the creatures around us, and we felt the sun warm our wings from above and a warm breeze ruffle our feathers from below.  We marvelled at the stream of water ever so slowly creating new paths as it looped in the canyon floor so far below, and the thought that  water had travelled this journey for so long and made its own path by simply flowing amazed me.

I had no urge to create, analyze, learn, or plan for any other moment than each one I existed in at a perticular time, and I made no effort to join with anyone or anything as I slowly circled high above the vast landscape below me.  I breathed in the same air my ancestors had generations ago, and my back was warmed by the same sun that warmed the backs of the dinosaurs.  I was…I just was.  I made no effort to think about anything at all except being, and I found that a clarity of connection came over me that I had never experienced.  The rocks had no need to control or plan, and even the creatures below us lived each moment as it came.  They lived by instinct and experience instead of rushing about making complex plans while trying to absorb every fact every known by man, and they lived and passed to the next place much more easily than any human I have ever met.  I felt no anxiety for tomorrow, and I felt a new sensation as I listened to the water tumble past the rocks below and once again marvelled at the wisdom of so-called simpler beings. 

I felt time unfolding as I often do, and I could look back and forward as if I were on a path where the past and future exist at once, and I had no urge to learn from past or step forward into the future as I usually do.  Instead I just was…I was in each moment and no other moment mattered and let go completely.  I instantly felt a new connection to all around me that was deeper than before, and I found myself laughing at the joy of just being.  How peaceful and joyous I felt as I lazily circled ever higher with my friend, and I knew that this place was here for me whenever I was able to come and just be. 

I eventually realized my vulture friend was starting to loop back downward, and we made our way back to the cliff edge to sit with wings outstretched sunning ourselves.  The sensation reminded me of sunning myself on a gently rocking boat as a child, and I smiled at another full circle completed.  I had forgotten that lovely sensation of just being with all that life had shown me over the years, and I silently thanked my friend for sharing a pleasant memory from so long ago.  The art of being is a magical art indeed, and I will definitely be there again.

Last night at the peace meditation the guide was leading us to feel peace enter us as we breathed, and as I took some cleansing breaths I immediately found myself inside a flame.  I felt no heat even though I could see flames licking around me, and I felt as if I were in the cool waters of a pool.  I realized that I was inside an orange red flame with blue water flowing along my body as the flames rose around me, and  I felt as if I were totally immersed in cleansing from fire and water at the same time.  I felt a sense of peace and a quiet in my soul, and I breathed in the flame and liquid, feeling it soothe my throat and lungs as it entered and became part of me.  I reached out to the others in the room and tried to share this feeling with them, and then I felt a shift and the flame was gone.

I found myself in blackness sitting in lotus position with my hands loosely cupped in my lap.  Then I felt a cool warmness and I saw a beautiful blue-green sphere form above my hands.  The sphere was shrouded in clouds, and when I glimpsed through them I could see it was the Earth I was holding in my own small hands.  The brilliant blues and green were offset by the bright whiteness of the clouds, and I felt as if I were holding a fragile Christmas ornament that might break if I let it slip from my grasp.  I cradled it without actually touching it, and I thought about all the life forms on this beautiful planet and how much I wished peace and joy for every one of them.  My connection was so strong that I wanted to share my cleansing with them, and I noticed flames begin to lick around the edges of the orb.  The flames rose to encompass the whole fragile Earth and rise into the blackness, and even when I  closed my eyes against the orange glow of the flames I could see them flickering in front of me.  I sat quietly watching for awhile as the flames died down to faintly surround the Earth inside of engulfing it, and I felt tears of joy on my face at the mere existence of something so precious in the midst of the blackness.

I began then to think of all the lives of all the people on this tiny brilliantly decorated planet, and I felt  sad that so many of those lives are marred by hunger, violence, and loneliness.  I began to think back to my own childhood, which was full of sadness, violence,  loneliness, and hunger as well, and I considered the journey I had travelled from being a small scared, sad, and angry child to a person who was able to feel such peace and joy in life.  I wondered as I studied the Earth before me how many of those creatures below had been shown respect or kindness in their lives, and the thought of how different this world would be if all creatures respected themselves and each other overwhelmed me with sadness and hope at the same time.  I realized that we each literally as well as figuratively hold this beautiful blue planet in our own small hands, and we hold our own selves in our hands as well. 

If we treat ourselves with the respect most of us try to treat each other with, and if we feel so connected to each other that we do not cause others any pain we can avoid, then we cannot logically treat ourselves with disrespect either.  If we are truly connected then when we harm ourselves we harm others, thus we are as valuable and precious as every other life on the planet.  That is what I felt as I watched the swirling clouds pass over the oceans and land below me, and I wished that each creature on Earth would share this message with me.  It is the love others as you would have them love you message, but this time reversed since we can sometimes pretend to love others if we do not love ourselves but not truly see their beauty unless we can see our own.  How far I have come from the child who agreed with her parents that life would be much easier if she hadn’t been born!

I considered those years and wondered how I made it through and why I never quite gave up, and I was inside myself as that child again for a few monets.  I realized with a jolt that it was a very familiar place to be and that I have been there many times before as an adult, and then the piece of the puzzle fell into place.  I hadn’t given up back then because I had held my future in my own hands as we all do.  I made it through because I felt that calling to hold on and this would pass, and it was as if I felt a presence guiding me through the times when I had to believe the pain would stop and the sun would come out again.  I thought as a child it was God, and then I realized over time that it didn’t feel as if it were a god, but I wasn’t sure why or how I held on and kept believing in good and the end of the pain, but it struck me as I stared at the Earth in my hands that it was my own hand I felt guiding me along.  It was my own presence I felt, and it was the strength and energy of a whole universe of positive energy I had felt through those dark times that had kept me alive and not let anyone murder my spirit!

I felt connected from the time I first remember being and felt energy from others all around me, but I didn’t realize that I was not only absorbing the negative energies of my pain and the pain of those around me, but the positive energy of life  that all living creatures have inside.  I had not only had my faith in life itself, but my own hand and all the energy in the universe guiding me to light and joy, and I began to sob with relief and peace with that knowledge. 

From a distance I heard our guide calling us back to the room, and I smiled with the knowledge that if I had so much wonderful energy guiding me as a child who had no understanding of its presence, how much could I learn and experience since I now realized how infinite our existence is?  Such a lovely way to see the world, don’t you think?.:)

I meditated last night during yoga and found myself standing with deep lush green foliage all around me to chest height.  I could feel the humidity in the air and smell the damp decaying leaves on the forest floor, and I could hear water splashing in the distance.  I brushed the huge leaves aside and trudged through the undergrowth for awhile, and I marvelled at how serene this place felt to me.  I heard birds calling in the distance, but there was no sense of hurry or alarm in the air at all, so I slowly walked along and enjoyed  the peace and relaxation I had been offered.

As I drew closer to the splashing sounds I came upon a clearing that contained a beautiful waterfall, and I recognized it as a place I had visited earlier in my journeys.  This time things looked a bit different though, so I stepped into the clearing to find out what had changed.  The moment I cleared the foliage and stood in the clearing I noticed that I was barefoot and only wearing a small swimsuit  and my bracelet.  I felt a bit confused, but then it occured to me that I was supposed to use my senses and feel everything around me instead of being enclosed safely in clothes.

That thought made me wonder what was in store for me, but I was determined to experience whatever came my way, so I stepped forward and looked around me.  The first thing I noticed was that the whole area was teeming with life.  Tiny creatures scuttled and scurried over the rocks and grasses beneath my feet, and I confess I was a bit unsettled at the thought of them scurrying up me as well.  I remembered vividly the pain and itch of ant and other various insect bites I had incurred, but since I was so scantily dressed for a reason I stayed where I was and took some deep breaths to ease my fears.  It would be very sad to miss a learning experience because I was afraid of insects, so I stepped forward and did something I would never have dreamed of until recently. 

I sat down on a nearby rock and put my hands on the ground beside me, and I instantly flashed back to my childhood.  I used to play with spiders, poisonous snakes, the neighborhood vicious German  Shepherd dog, and any other animal that came my way.  I was terrified of wasps due to a traumatic incident that involved several stings, but otherwise they were all friends and never once hurt me at all.  I remember my mother’s expression upon finding me holding black widow spiders or snakes and holding conversations with them, and I am surprised she didn’t faint from fear.  I realized how far I had come and how the circle was almost complete when I realized a spider was making its way up my left arm and ants were climbing over my right foot on their way to wherever they were going.

I watched the spider climb up to my elbow and then put out my right hand for it to sit where I could see it, and when she (I felt this was a female and she did appear to be one) was safely perched on my hand I held her up so I could see her better.  I got an instant sensation of becoming acquainted with her and smiled at the familiar feeling.  I remembered feeling this as a child, and I realized (or perhaps she told me) that my next journey was to be rediscovering myself so I could discover the rest of the universe.  Children come into this world equipped to absorb, learn, and connect with everything around them, but most of us are taught or traumatized into separating and forgetting that wonderful connection and those amazing gifts that are natural to living creatures.  The next part of my journey is to be finding that open and childlike part of myself so I can experience the wonders all around me with the eyes of a child and knowledge of my adulthood. 

As I was absorbing this idea and wondering how I would accomplish this mission I noticed that the lady spider was gone and I was alone in the clearing.  I felt a bit disappointed, so I stood and walked to the waterfall that I had found so comforting during my last journey here.  I stepped under the falls and into the cleansing streams of water, and I felt my disappointment wash away with the cool water.  The next thing I knew I was opening my eyes and sitting up at the end of yoga class, and I found myself smiling at the thought of finding myself with the help of all the creatures that had surrounded me my life.