I dreamed last night I was being chased.  What a classic dream to have, right?  I was almost out of breath, and I was slapped by branches and scratched by the spines on the bushes that tore at my clothes.  I ran for what seemed like hours from the unseen creature that had to be large from the sounds coming from the forest behind me.  I tripped a few times over exposed tree roots but managed to stay upright, and I could feel my chest burning from my fear and the air I was gulping.

I broke out of the trees and ended up on a rocky ledge with only a few scraggly bushes, but I soon realized I was almost out of room to run.  I still heard branches breaking behind me in the forest, so I decided to stop running and turn to face my pursuer.  I bent to catch my breath and looked up to see a hug mountain lion burst from the forest, and I had a flash of knowing what the deer feels when he stares into the headlights.

It hit me that I didn’t have to stand here and be his lunch without at least trying to communicate, so I raised my hands palms up a bit and lowered my head slightly.  I was trying to convey peaceful intentions, but I also realized that if he was hungry I couldn’t expect him to do anything else but make me his dinner.  He stopped and regarded my posture for a few moments, and then he proceeded to walk slowly toward me.  To my surprise he wasn’t stalking me, but instead was casually walking toward me with an almost playful air to his steps.

I stayed as still as possible and he came up, sniffed my hands and my whole general area, and then to my astonishment started rubbing against me much as my old cat does every time I feed him.  Of course the difference between this big cat and my pet cat was about 30 inches of height and at least 150 pounds, so I stumbled backwards and landed on my seat on the rocks as he rubbed his head hard against my belly.  I leaned back to catch a breath, but he rubbed hard against me again and I ended up lying on my back looking up into two beautiful eyes and some huge teeth.I still was a bit dazed from frantically running for my life and then finding out this terrible beast was more like an overgrown house cat on catnip when he made a growling noise in his throat as if to remind me I still could be a nice meal if he chose, but then began to purr so loudly that I almost burst out laughing at the idea of a mountain lion purring in such contentment while standing over a mere human female.  I really was sure if they could even purr at all, but apparently it is true.  He stared into my eyes with the intensity that only a large predator can possess, and he gave me insights as to why I was dreaming such an odd sequence of events.

He let me know that I ran before I even knew what was following me…following is the operative word here as opposed to what was supposedly chasing me…and that he simply wanted to spend time with me, help me with the message I needed to receive, and ask me for some healing energy.  Instead I heard something fearful and ran, so I would indeed have missed the message and he would have missed the energy he needed if I hadn’t stopped and been open to him.  Then I remembered the journeys I have been taking over the last week in my sleep and realized why I have been so exhausted each day.  I had been running with all my animal friends, chasing deer, snuggling with the wolves and their pups, galloping on my white horse friend on the beach, stalking prey as a tiger, paddling back to the sea as a baby turtle, and splashing in the waves with a meal on my tummy as an otter.  Then I had spent time standing over my home in the storm as a tree and been a green bean plant sharing my pods with my family in the summer.  No wonder I have been so tired lately! 

If I had not faced my mountain lion friend I wouldn’t have remembered all those journeys nor appreciated all the creatures I had spent time with, and I was happy to give this amazing creature some healing energy.  I would have kept running and not seen tah tmy fears weren’t based on reality and that I could not only learn from facing my fears but experience affection and share with this supposed wild hungry beast who was still purring and shifting to lie alongside me.

I thanked him for his information, and the thing I remember in my dream was cuddling up against him, wrapping my arms around him, and sending him some healing relaxation.  I was still tired this morning, but the feeling of sharing warmth and wisdom with such a powerful creature who could have killed me with one swipe of his paw still remains even now.  I am so glad I remember now where I have been all these nights and hope to journey again soon.

I dreamed last night I was lying in a forest with animals around me.  There were rabbits and skunks munching greenery nearby, a snake curled up around my right arm, a family of deer, and dragonflies and the same yellow butterflies from my back yard  flitting around me.  I felt warm and relaxed, and when I looked down I saw a huge female wolf curled up in the crook of my left arm with her head across my breast.  I felt some movement against my side and saw that she was nursing a very young litter of pups with her eyes half-closed in contentment. 

I closed my eyes and basked in the glow of being with so many creatures, but heard a noise next to me and opened my eyes to find the vulture from my meditations looking at me.  I felt that he wanted me to come somewhere with him, and I noticed that I was covered in those pretty yellow butterflies. They were literally covering my whole body and that of the wolf against me.  I looked around and saw that there was a white horse now happily eating grass admist the other creatures, and they were all covered with yellow butterflies as well. 

Vulture began to fidget as if impatient, so I relaxed and let myself drift.   I felt myself slowly rising as he opened his wings and made his way out of the small clearing.  I found myself over my body and wondered if it would be safe if I didn’t come back to it, and the wolf raised her head, gave a short howl and relaxed again as if to say she and the others were watching me while I was gone.  The animals were all grouped around my body and it was still covered with the butterflies, and I turned to go with the vulture.  Just as we were circling on a thermal high above  the group on the ground before leaving on our quest  my daughter came to wake me up, so I don’t know where we were going.  It was a wonderful dream though, and I was looking forward to our journey.  I hope to continue it soon, and also to feel the animals near me and the butterflies all over me.  It felt as if they would all fly off carrying me with them, and the sensation was amazing.

I slept a bit more last night, but still woke three times from dreams. The first two were the same as the ones I discussed in my last post, but the last one was different. 

This time I had started drifting off after waking from a previous dream, but this time the men were standing and shaking hands instead of being seated.  The room was still only lit by a small lamp on a dark end table in a corner, and I still couldn’t see the men’s faces.  I could hear them murmur to each other and then one cleared his throat and spoke more loudly.  He said, “We know this can’t be known and we know how to make it stay between us.  When things happen we can’t control we have to take control, and I know we’ve decided how to do that tonight.  Do your part and don’t talk about this again.  We have one chance and anyone who blows it disappears with a lot of pain.”

They all nodded and drifted off one by one, and soon there were only two men left.  They hunched toward each other to speak in hushed tones,  and I know I have heard the first voice somewhere before, although I can’t place it.   The familiar voice said something that made my hair stand up even more than it already was and turned to leave the room as the dream ended.  He said, “You know what will happen if this gets out.  We can’t let that happen whoever it costs.”  The “whoever” gave me a chill as I woke up, and I still hear that voice…cold as ice.

For the last couple of days I have been listening.  Now most days I listen to many things, but this listening is different.  I felt a jolt a couple of nights ago of something shifting somewhere, and since I can’t tell you where or who shifted it seems rather silly to discuss.  However, I have been dreaming since the same dream over and over since then, so I decided to process it a bit here.  

As I sat at my computer and prepared to sign off for the night I felt off balance, a bit disoriented, and as if a puzzle piece slipped into place somewhere.  It wasn’t as if a huge earthquake decimated a city or all the financial markets suddenly crashed at that moment, but more a feeling that something was set into motion somewhere.  I felt all my hair stand up the way I do when there is something not in our usual realm of five senses going on, and that feeling has never been a false alarm in my almost fifty years of life.   It only lasted a few minutes, but since then I have felt as if something is rolling like a snowball down a hill and have dreamed the same dream over and over each night.  As I think about it now my hair is standing up again, and not only do I need to get a good night’s sleep, but perhaps if I process it a bit I can finally sleep and put the experience behind me.

As I drift off to sleep I hear voices in the background, and although I can’t hear what they are saying I realize they are men’s voices.  I can catch snippets of phrases, but not enough to understand the whole conversation, so I am confused and strain to hear more clearly.  I am in semi-darkness, but I’m not sure if I am in a darkened room or just not completely present, so I try to let my eyes adjust so I can see who is speaking.  One or two voices sound a bit familiar, but I can’t quite place who they are, and the whole atmosphere is one of serious hushed planning.

I try to move closer to get a better vantage point, but since the only lighting is a desk lamp off in a corner the men’s faces are mostly silhouette and shadow.  The whole room reminds me of a Twilight Zone episode where you only see mouths talking and can’t see the rest of the person’s face, so I start to dismiss this as my psyche trying to process some unknown issue from daily life and relax.  Then I realize my hair is still on end,  and the feeling that something here is important and nothing to do with my psyche becomes overwhelming.

As I have repeatedly during the last two nights I start to circle the room from my vantage point behind the men, and I catch phrases such as, “this time get it right” ,  ”last chance to do this”, and “get this in motion now”.  They are leaned toward each other as if this is intense and very serious, and the whole atmosphere in the room is heavy and laced with fear and determination as if they are all focused on one urgent and essential task.  I really want to understand, so I lean even closer and hear, “can’t control nature, but we must control the rest of this”.  I feel those hairs stiffen even more and lean forward to peer into the group to see who they are and feel as if I fall foward. 

I end up falling into the middle of the group, and although they obviously don’t see a woman falling in their midst it seems a couple of them feel something and jump in their seats.  I hear two voices say with alarm, “What was that?  Did you see something?  What was that noise?” and then I am awake in bed.  This dream has gone on all night for two nights, and although writing it didn’t help me figure out what it is about, hopefully the energy will be released so I can sleep tonight.  I have meditated on it and only feel that it is important and outside myself so far, but only time will tell.

I had been seeing rainbows when I meditated or dreamed all week, so I wasn’t too surprised when I dreamed of one last night.  I woke, and then dozed back off to sleep those precious few minutes just before my day began, and to my delight I found myself walking down a path that was surrounded by flowers and lush grasses.  I heard birds singing and felt the warm sunlight on my face, and the morning chill was noticably fading with each step I took.

I strode along the path and looked up to see a cloudless blue sky filled with…you guessed it!  A huge  rainbow filled the sky ahead of me with colors so brilliant I had to squint to see where to step.  I smiled and started humming as I moved along the path, and I caught myself paying more attention to the rainbow that kept getting more distinct and vibrant with each passing minute than where I was going.  I walked slowly and caught myself thinking about what a huge pot of gold should be at the end of a rainbow as georgeous as this one,  and then I realized I really didn’t care about any gold if it meant I had to get to the end of the rainbow and not be able to see how beautiful it was to get it!

Just as that thought settled in and I was feeling as if I could walk there forever I heard a sound and looked up.  Sure enough, I had reached the end of the rainbow already, and fortunately my feelings of disappointment were squelched when I saw who awaited my arrival at the end of the truly spectacular rainbow.  Right where the end of the rainbow disappeared into the path ahead of me stood a tall, white impressive-looking horse. He began shaking his head as if to motion me nearer and snuffling at me, sending plumes of  steam rising before him with each breath.  As I drew near I saw he had familiar eyes, and I realized that this was the same horse I had met on the beach in an earlier meditation.  There could be no other eyes as brilliantly blue as that horse had gazed at me with that day, and he whinnied as if in greeting when I smiled at him excitedly.

I came up to him and had to urge to touch him as I used to when I visited  horses in a nearby pasture years ago, and he moved so I could place my hand on his soft muzzle.  I felt him breathe warm moist air into my palm, and I gently tickled his chin as I put my cheek against him with a sigh of pleasure.  The moment I touched him I could feel his gentle spirit, and he shifted to look stright into my eyes again.   I saw the rainbow behind me reflected in his eyes and turned to see if it remained as bright as it had been and could feel my companion admiring it with me.

I knew he was feeling as content as I had a few moments ago, and I pondered how sad it was that most people are so worried about that pot of gold at the end of all their rainbows that they don’t bother to notice all the hues of the rainbow they’re seeing right in front of them.  They don’t see that to find that elusive treasure they have to reach the end of the journey and turn away from all the beauty that’s been all around them the whole time, and they don’t feel appreciation or joy for having the privilege of  living each day along the way.  I turned to my friend and mused that maybe the rainbow is the pot of gold, and perhaps it’s better to receive one piece of gold at a time to spend as we choose than to wait for some huge unspendable ”pot of gold”  at the end of the road and feel poor the whole way there. 

Those big blue eyes blinked at me as he shook his huge white head at me in agreement, and he disappeared for a moment behind the clouds of steam his warm snuffles released around us.  From behind the steam I could hear a surprising tinkling laugh and his voice telling me not to forget that you can’t enjoy the rainbow if you’re too busy wondering what’s at the end of it, so look up,  gather some gold as you go along, and spend it all on those you meet along the way!  

I nodded in appreciation of his wisdom as he nuzzled my cheek with his soft muzzle and let out a little whinny.  He motioned for me to climb up on him, and just as we trotted off back down the path  toward the rainbow I woke up with what I’m sure was a satisfied grin on my face.  I’ve been looking for rainbows and white horses all day since I figure I don’t need a pot of gold any more.  Something tells me I’ll find all I need along the way, and rainbows really are too beautiful to miss!