Last night I received a Reiki attunement and had a wonderful journey. I received this same attunement last month and happily floated up over icy mountains, but  this time it was completely different.

I found myself back on the side of a dark road with my father reliving an experience that happened when I was about 4 or 5 from a different perspective than I did originally.  We traveled when I was young in a big blue Rambler station wagon, and that night we had seen strange lights in the sky.  My dad and I got out of the car, stood by the road in the dark, and watched strange brightly colored circles darting above us, only to shoot off into the night sky and disappear.  I looked up at my dad and asked what they were and he said he didn’t know, but that I should ever talk about them.  Since I had always seen little darting lights high in the sky and even dreamed about them since I could remember I asked him about those too.  I asked him why no one else ever talked about them either and why people didn’t seem to notice them, and he got this look on his face as waves of fear came off of him toward me.  He said again that I should never talk to anyone about the feelings I got about things and from people, seeing those, or what we saw that night in the sky, and since he had never spoken about it again I thought his fear was that I was crazy, wrong, bad, or a combination of them all.

From that point onward I had turned to science and facts that were provable, but I didn’t realized how much that experience had affected me.  It took my most of my life to be able to say who I am and trust my feelings and intuition, and I never had realized why I needed to speak about things I could back up with evidence.  If I could find scientific evidence and not go by what I had just “experienced” or “felt”, then no one would think I was crazy or silly.  I would like to have gotten to where I am now years ago, but apparently it wasn’t the right time yet.

This time on my journey I could feel the fear that came from my father wasn’t because he thought I was making it up or crazy, but that he knew what I was seeing was real and knew it wasn’t safe or wise for me to talk about it to anyone.  He had worked with NASA on the Saturn project and knew things that he wouldn’t talk about, and I realized this time as I stood with him in the dark that he was afraid for me, not embarrassed or afraid I was hallucinating.  Back then people really didn’t talk about things like energy work, paranormal events, extraterrestrial beings, or anything out of the norm of the time without being ostracized in one way or another, and in a very healing moment I realized he wasn’t afraid because he didn’t believe me, but because he did.  I felt a weight lift from me, tears of relief flowed down my cheeks, and I realized that I could now be who I was meant to be all along.

I looked up to the stars and felt myself moving along the road and picking up speed, and then I was among the stars!  I saw galaxies spinning, stars forming and exploding, and dark areas where huge masses of matter were suddenly winking out of view as if they had never existed.  Then I noticed a beautiful light bouncing from star to star, galaxy to galaxy, and bursting into sprays of fireworks as it ricocheted  enthusiastically from one body to another.   Pure joy radiated from the ball of light as it grew closer to me and began to spin in swirls of indigo, silver, and white, and suddenly I felt it enter me and knock me backward to spin with it!

I felt the light tumbling me over and over until I found myself in a place I had journeyed to before, but this time the light was still with me.  I looked down at my hands, still folded in the prayer position for the attunement, and I saw the light in a ball between my palms.  I cupped it and it swirled gently with an indigo edge that faded to silver and white in the center.  I leaned closer until my face was a few inches awayand felt totally peaceful and content until I felt a presence next to me.  I looked up to find my Reiki guide, an Inuit who was all white furs except for his dark face standing near me.  When I looked past him I saw the white wolf and polar bear I had visited here before, and again they welcomed me silently.  My guide motioned as if he were drinking from cupped hands, and when I felt confused he motioned that I should drink from the light cupped in my hands.  I wasn’t sure why I was to do that, but since I willingly accepted the light I was happy to drink from whatever it had to offer me.  I leaned toward my hands and scooped the beautiful ball to my mouth and drank deeply of the warm glow, and as I did I felt that connection to all else that I had felt before. This time I drank deeply and laughed as the warmth enveloped me and felt as if I wanted to stay in that moment forever.

When I looked up in amazement at the joy and peace I felt inside I found my guide and his companions gone, but in their place was the familiar white horse with blue eyes that had shared wisdom with me before.  I smiled and reached to wrap my arms around him, and as I laid my face against his cool cheek I noticed the snow and darkness were fading.  He motioned me to mount him, and this time I knew that something was different about the journey we were about to embark on together.  I had come so close to this point before but never made the leap of faith and confidence in myself that I had this time, and as I leaped onto his back and leaned into his mane I whispered to him to take me wherever I was meant to go.  The snow faded and I was back in the room with my hands still folded, and I still feel the glow of the energy.  I have so much to learn, and I am so very ready to begin.

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 14th, 2010 at 9:30 pm and is filed under Journeys. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.