During yoga meditation this morning I found myself in a dark, damp cave.  I could dimly see roots sticking out of earthen walls by a light that seemed to filter through from another area, so I picked my way along the  dirt floor that was littered with loose rocks and covered in places with slippery mosslike plants.  Although the air was slightly musty, I could smell fresh air coming from somewhere, so I headed toward the light source to see if there was a way out of the cave or not.  I noticed I was barefoot and could feel the damp earth beneath my feet, and I wrinkled my nose in distaste at the sensation of slimy wet rocks squishing moisture between my toes with each step. 

I soon found my way to a larger cavern and realized I was in the same area where I had held the mother bat and her baby awhile back, but this time I saw no creatures hanging around me in the semi-darkness.  I was surprised when I felt a bit disappointed, since I had been concerned the first time that I would disturb them and find myself in a flurry of furry-winged creatures I couldn’t see well.  I had to smile at how much my  perceptions had changed over the course of a few weeks, and I decided it was time to find my way out through the small hole in the roof above me. 

I squinted against the glare of light that burst through the opening in a single shaft of sunlight and nearly blinded me after walking in the near-darkness of the smaller room, and I considered that I had no way to climb out since the opening was over the center of the cave away from any walls I might be able to get toeholds in to get purchase on the way up.  I looked around and thought hard, and I still could think of no way to get out.  I knew the day was warm and clear above me and I was determined to feel the sunshine on my face, so I sat back on a rock and tried to ignore the dampness that soaked my pants immediately.  I imagined the warm breeze and the feel of soft grass between my toes, and I weighed my limited options.  Jumping would be of no use since the hole was at least 20 feet up, I had no ladder or way to climb the walls, and I somehow knew no one would hear my calls for help.  I couldn’t fly obviously, so…hmm….and I found myself laughing out loud at the option I had almost overlooked.

I remembered my flight with my vulture friend a few days ago, and I realized I had been thinking inside the box again.  I had been thinking of myself as having limited physical abilities and few options, but the reality was since everything is connected and we can all be everywhere if we choose, I had another option I hadn’t considered.

I simply relaxed and felt myself standing in brilliant sunshine in my sneakers and dry clothes, and I looked around to find a small hole in the thick grass that could be a cave opening.  After I searched a bit I found a small opening that I would have missed if I hadn’t been looking for it, and I leaned down to peer inside.  I saw myself sitting on the slimy rock with eyes shut thinking, and I realized with a snort that this was the way life is every day of our physical lives.  I reached in, snapped my fingers at my sitting self, promptly jumped as I saw my above-ground self reach in to grab my arm and pull me out, argued that I would never fit through that hole and couldn’t reach me anyway, told myself that it would all work out and to grab on, and found myself sucked up into the sunlight my my own strong grip on my arm.

Well, perhaps I should have reacted with a bit more composure, but I sank to the grass laughing at myself…myselves… and the irony of the situation.  I laughed until I had to stop to catch my breath and shook my head considering that I had just done what we all have to do every day.  We are ultimately the ones who have to find our little caves where we are stuck in the dark and reach in, tell ourselves it is time to grab on, and pull ourselves out into the sunshine.  No matter how wonderful our therapists, families, or friends are, it is ultimately up to us to think outside the box of “can’t” or “impossible” and hoist our own selves up, and if no one extends the arm we have to extend our own and reach for ourselves. Who knew it worked literally as well as figuratively? :)

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 1st, 2009 at 8:31 pm and is filed under Journeys. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.