Last night at the peace meditation the guide was leading us to feel peace enter us as we breathed, and as I took some cleansing breaths I immediately found myself inside a flame.  I felt no heat even though I could see flames licking around me, and I felt as if I were in the cool waters of a pool.  I realized that I was inside an orange red flame with blue water flowing along my body as the flames rose around me, and  I felt as if I were totally immersed in cleansing from fire and water at the same time.  I felt a sense of peace and a quiet in my soul, and I breathed in the flame and liquid, feeling it soothe my throat and lungs as it entered and became part of me.  I reached out to the others in the room and tried to share this feeling with them, and then I felt a shift and the flame was gone.

I found myself in blackness sitting in lotus position with my hands loosely cupped in my lap.  Then I felt a cool warmness and I saw a beautiful blue-green sphere form above my hands.  The sphere was shrouded in clouds, and when I glimpsed through them I could see it was the Earth I was holding in my own small hands.  The brilliant blues and green were offset by the bright whiteness of the clouds, and I felt as if I were holding a fragile Christmas ornament that might break if I let it slip from my grasp.  I cradled it without actually touching it, and I thought about all the life forms on this beautiful planet and how much I wished peace and joy for every one of them.  My connection was so strong that I wanted to share my cleansing with them, and I noticed flames begin to lick around the edges of the orb.  The flames rose to encompass the whole fragile Earth and rise into the blackness, and even when I  closed my eyes against the orange glow of the flames I could see them flickering in front of me.  I sat quietly watching for awhile as the flames died down to faintly surround the Earth inside of engulfing it, and I felt tears of joy on my face at the mere existence of something so precious in the midst of the blackness.

I began then to think of all the lives of all the people on this tiny brilliantly decorated planet, and I felt  sad that so many of those lives are marred by hunger, violence, and loneliness.  I began to think back to my own childhood, which was full of sadness, violence,  loneliness, and hunger as well, and I considered the journey I had travelled from being a small scared, sad, and angry child to a person who was able to feel such peace and joy in life.  I wondered as I studied the Earth before me how many of those creatures below had been shown respect or kindness in their lives, and the thought of how different this world would be if all creatures respected themselves and each other overwhelmed me with sadness and hope at the same time.  I realized that we each literally as well as figuratively hold this beautiful blue planet in our own small hands, and we hold our own selves in our hands as well. 

If we treat ourselves with the respect most of us try to treat each other with, and if we feel so connected to each other that we do not cause others any pain we can avoid, then we cannot logically treat ourselves with disrespect either.  If we are truly connected then when we harm ourselves we harm others, thus we are as valuable and precious as every other life on the planet.  That is what I felt as I watched the swirling clouds pass over the oceans and land below me, and I wished that each creature on Earth would share this message with me.  It is the love others as you would have them love you message, but this time reversed since we can sometimes pretend to love others if we do not love ourselves but not truly see their beauty unless we can see our own.  How far I have come from the child who agreed with her parents that life would be much easier if she hadn’t been born!

I considered those years and wondered how I made it through and why I never quite gave up, and I was inside myself as that child again for a few monets.  I realized with a jolt that it was a very familiar place to be and that I have been there many times before as an adult, and then the piece of the puzzle fell into place.  I hadn’t given up back then because I had held my future in my own hands as we all do.  I made it through because I felt that calling to hold on and this would pass, and it was as if I felt a presence guiding me through the times when I had to believe the pain would stop and the sun would come out again.  I thought as a child it was God, and then I realized over time that it didn’t feel as if it were a god, but I wasn’t sure why or how I held on and kept believing in good and the end of the pain, but it struck me as I stared at the Earth in my hands that it was my own hand I felt guiding me along.  It was my own presence I felt, and it was the strength and energy of a whole universe of positive energy I had felt through those dark times that had kept me alive and not let anyone murder my spirit!

I felt connected from the time I first remember being and felt energy from others all around me, but I didn’t realize that I was not only absorbing the negative energies of my pain and the pain of those around me, but the positive energy of life  that all living creatures have inside.  I had not only had my faith in life itself, but my own hand and all the energy in the universe guiding me to light and joy, and I began to sob with relief and peace with that knowledge. 

From a distance I heard our guide calling us back to the room, and I smiled with the knowledge that if I had so much wonderful energy guiding me as a child who had no understanding of its presence, how much could I learn and experience since I now realized how infinite our existence is?  Such a lovely way to see the world, don’t you think?.:)

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 25th, 2009 at 8:58 pm and is filed under Journeys. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.